13 MARCH 2017

 

SENT UP

 

​

I’m on my way home from school, probably for the last time that will ever feel normal to me. My life is all going to change tomorrow, May 19th, 2358. I’ve been counting down the days my whole life. I’ll be seventeen. And seventeen isn’t just another birthday. Seventeen is the birthday when everyone is taken out of class, and finally told what is called “The Solution”. What it is, I have no idea. Something bad, I guess. Of course I can’t know because anyone that might tell me would probably be arrested or killed. But I can’t be sure, people don’t really break laws around here. Every once in a while, though, someone disappears.

 

Of course I’m eager to learn The Solution, it’s only had seventeen years of buildup. But right now I’m excited to get home. The smell of cake is wafting out the window, past the 32 identical houses between ours and Road 106, and up the street to where I stand for just a moment, taking in the sight. The sky is purple-blue with just a few clouds on the horizon. But when I think about it, it must all be clouds in order for the sun to make the sky that color. Just one big soft cloud, so smooth that it’s a new layer of sky beneath the sky. The sun’s warmth bounces off this new heaven and onto my face. I close my eyes.

 

…………

 

As soon as I walk in the door I’m greeted by my two favorite people.

 

“Happy birthday!” they yell simultaneously. Finn plants a quick kiss on my lips, and Mom hugs me sideways.

 

“Sorry we had to do a night early, honey. You know I can’t get off work tomorrow,” she says. Tomorrow is a big day for the Board. General Patend died, she says, and they need to decide who will replace him.

 

“It’s fine, mom. Cake is good any day.”

 

 

Mom’s gone to bed now and Finn and I sit on the couch. “Are you ready for tomorrow?” he asks casually while mindlessly twirling my hair. As if tomorrow won’t be the biggest day of my life thus far.

 

“Like I’ll ever be. Why can’t you just tell me!”

 

“You know the law.” Even dating for two years wouldn’t make him sacrifice any ideals. I guess that’s a good thing.

 

“Fine. I’ll stop trying to get you arrested.” I sigh.

 

“It’s nothing great anyway. Just forget about it, try to enjoy your last night being sixteen.”

Finn has had more time to think about it, over a year more. I guess I should listen to him. Instead I find myself continuing, “But why all the buildup? Why not just teach it in school, why can’t they just tell us?”

 

A familiar look of fear comes over him. “What was that?”

 

“What?”

 

“That sound, did you hear it?”

 

I did. “Relax, it’s probably just the cat. You’ve got to stop thinking my mom’s spying on us, you’re starting to have me convinced.” His eyes gleam with a look that says ‘quit thinking you know everything’, but it is so subtle and fleeting that I pretend I didn’t see it and he doesn’t notice. “You should go. Big day tomorrow.”

 

He knows. “Goodnight Odessa.” He plants a gentle kiss on my forehead before disappearing out the front door.

 

…………

 

I hurry down the stairs, dressed in my dull uniform but feeling brighter than usual. My mom smiles, waiting for me with a large breakfast and a side of hot chocolate. My impatience almost boils over as I eat. Today, I am seventeen. Today, I find out “The Solution”. I have never been more curious.

 

She doesn’t seem so thrilled. “You ready for today?”

 

I’m done eating now and start to head for the door. “I just need to know what it is already.”

 

My mom grabs my hand for a moment on my way out, forcing me to pause. “Whatever they tell you today, Odessa, just know that I love you.”

 

“Chill Mom,” turning my wrist free, “it’s just a birthday.” I think I hear her sniff as I walk away.

 

…………

 

“The year was 2265…” Scenes of rubble and destruction, burning, then blackness. My eyes force themselves back open. The dramatic voice returns: “The rebellion had passed, and society was beginning to reassemble. Villages became towns became cities, but with this growth also came the growth of crime. Robberies, assaults, murders - ” The class gasps. Most people have never witnessed or even heard of a crime. “ - were all too common.” This is not how I want to be spending my birthday. “Assemblies were formed and laws created. Authorities emerged to control the violence, but nothing worked.” *bing bing* *bing bing*. Ugh. Another announcement. The classroom screen changes from boring documentary to boring memorial. They never do get to the part of how they solved the problem. That was the big secret, The Solution.

 

I remember explaining the announcements to a little girl I babysat once. She was in tears after her show was interrupted. “It’s important we watch these, honey. So that we know when the Leaders have died. It’s important we honor them properly.”

 

“But who are they? I don’t know him,” she said plainly, pointing to the face of one of the most powerful men in the country. No, she didn’t know him. Nobody knew him, and probably very few cared that he died. But we are all supposed to care.

 

And so, as if this birthday can’t get any worse, I try to return to my daily in-class nap while the announcement runs loudly in the background.

 

“Attention all citizens…” Blah, blah, blah. The General died, I get the jist as I drift in and out of sleep.

 

“We thank him for the state of our country, our world, today. Order. Peace. Perfection.”

Somebody bumps me as they stand for the National Anthem; right hand raised in an oath to perfection. The General’s picture appears and stares at me for the remainder of the song.

 

…………

 

History class is just ending when the moment comes. A man, tall and demanding and clothed in all white, enters the room with Principal Johnson in toe. I’ve never seen anyone act more important than Dr. Johnson; this must be his boss. The foreboding man speaks: “Odessa Monroe, you will come with Mr. Johnson and me now.” He doesn’t even call him “Doctor”.

 

Anxiety creeps up from my stomach into my fingers. I am cold. I thought it was always just Principal Johnson that passed along The Solution. And I’m sure I’ve never seen the tall man before, the Leaders so rarely visit our school… but yet, something seems strangely familiar about him. I’m instructed to leave my bag and belongings, to simply follow them as we go out the door and down the hall, down stairs to levels lower than I ever knew existed in this building. My eagerness-turned-anxiety quickly becomes dread the lower we go. We approach a metal door in a damp hallway. Principal Johnson opens it for me, silent. “Go in. Everything will soon be clear to you,” the white-clothed man shuts the door behind me. I am alone.

 

The room is nearly empty. A metal table sits in the middle, a bare-bones chair behind it with a television mounted on the opposing wall. A huge camera watches me from the corner, under which hangs a large, old-fashioned speaker. A stark contrast from my comfortable school rooms.

 

“Sit down.”

 

I jump, frozen, startled by the harsh voice coming from the speaker.

 

“Now.”

 

The chair is cold and I shiver again. Music begins to play. It’s a song I’ve heard a thousand times, our National Anthem, the tune marking the beginning of every documentary in history class. The screen lights up. “The year was 2265…”

 

“I’ve seen this,” I state.

 

“No, you haven’t.” The familiarity nags at me. That voice…

 

The film carries on, showing the rebellions and crimes and violence. But this time it does not end. The film does not stop at “nothing was working”. It is not interrupted by an announcement of So-and-so The Leader’s death. It does not leave me in the dark for seventeen years. Instead, it continues in the most natural way.

 

“Nothing was working and the Leaders knew this could not stand. Inner turmoil would only spark another rebellion. Time had made that clear. Something had to be done to remove criminals once and for all, to maintain peace and order, to strive for progress. Not only would these criminals have to be removed, but also to be dealt with was the blood of rebellion that coursed through their veins. Society demanded a solution.”

 

An unfamiliar image takes over. Everything is dark with random spots in the blackness, shining. I’m not quite sure what I’m looking at until I see the horizon of the Earth. A blue-white sphere floating in the blackness. This is outer space.

 

The film continues: “Criminals must be removed, along with their families, to maintain the peace we all enjoy on this planet. But the blood of rebellion tends to flow strongly among relatives; it is for this reason that the whole family is taken with the offender to prison. This standard is only broken if a criminal is turned in by their own family member, where the blood of rebellion appears to have been absent. These criminals must remain outside of society for the next generation as well, to kill off any remains of opposition. Only then does their family have a chance at reentering their name into society.”

 

I see line after line of prison cells, hard white floors and stark white walls, bleached by the artificial light. The camera zooms out and turns to show an enormous structure, a ship that could hold millions, floating near the Earth. I know it can’t really be that close, I would have seen it by now, right? Can this be real?

 

And then I remember it. It was the night my dad disappeared; I was young, only five at the time. Everything had gone normally that day: I went to school, napped and colored, ate some snacks, and I waited for Mom to come after class and walk me back home. But she didn’t come that day. When I got home I ran to tell Dad about school, as usual. But he was nowhere to be found. Mom just sat on the couch in silence, a strange look of deep sadness and remorse on her face. My energy only seemed to annoy her. Things changed when he still didn’t return. I thought Mom might cry or scream, I thought she would immediately go out and look for him. Instead, a man I’d never seen before came over for dinner that night. I didn’t eat with them, I wasn’t very hungry. But I watched around the corner as they shook hands over and over, as she signed documents, called him sir, and as she suddenly chose white uniforms over floral dresses, and no longer had time to walk me home from school because she was always working now. “Member on the Board of Security of the State” was her new title, hardly “Mom”. I never saw this man again. Until now.

 

His voice comes through the speaker. “You may be feeling a range of emotions right now: confusion, sadness, anger. But this is what works. Any time these penalties seem harsh to you, envision your life any other way. Imagine never going to school. Imagine never knowing the pleasure of friendships, or relationships like you and Finn’s. Imagine a neighborhood where you are afraid for your life at all hours of day and night, simply from the constant threat of robbers killing you over a piece of bread. Imagine living in fear, for yourself, for everything you work for, and for everyone you love. This was life after the rebellion. This is why we must stop all crime before it ever begins.”

 

…………

 

I walk out of that cold dark room. I rush to class, grab my bag, sprint out of the building. I run up the grid-like streets of my city, towards the Security Board headquarters where I will force my way in. Anger clouds my eyes as I hurry across the blocks, and it is only inflamed with the remembrance of the girl I once babysat. I had always thought they just moved to a different region when her family disappeared. There’s no way I could have known for sure, with communication between regions as impossible as it is. But now I know. Her father will die and her mother will die and the sweet little girl who knew something was wrong will not live to see the Earth again.

 

I burst through the door and ask the front desk where I can find her. I climb the stairs to my mother’s office - the penthouse suite. The door is open.

 

I am greeted by her usual charm, despite the oddity of my being there. “Hi honey, what are you doing here? School isn’t out already, is it?”

 

“I know what you are Mom.”

 

Her face drops. “Odessa…”

 

“And I know about Dad too. What you did to him…”

 

“Honey, you don’t know everything. You don’t know what I do…”

 

“I don’t have to.” I look around the room. I’m not surprised to find a picture of the man in white clothes framed and hanging on the wall, a caption underneath titling him ‘Commander of Security’. “You work for him; that’s all I have to know. I never questioned you because I never thought you would be involved in something like this. I never thought you could be so cruel.” That last word stings her and I know it. Good.

 

Her eyes fill with pain until it spills over at the edges. “I have no choice. Your father and I…”

“Don’t talk about my father.” The words leave my mouth like venom.

 

I think of all the times Finn grew uncomfortable at the mention of my mother or her work, all the times he thought she was listening to us, the suspicious glances whenever he entered my house. “Finn was right about you.” I regret it the moment it leaves my mouth. He could be arrested or worse. Maybe they wouldn’t even bother sending him up, maybe they would just kill him. I think of my father. Maybe he was dead, too.

 

…………

 

My eyes crack open and a blueish light peeks through. I feel myself sitting up and looking around. I remember walking out of the cold room under my school, how long ago was it? I remember seeing my mom, walking out of that towering headquarters, wondering still if this could be real. I remember walking home, dazed in the warm sunlight, happy to find Finn waiting in my kitchen. And after that, nothing. Nothing but the blackness.

 

I try to orient myself and for a moment I forget the secret that I learned not so long ago. I am in an all-white room. All that’s in here is my cot and two metal chairs; the air is cold and the light is unnatural. The room is small and I figure that it must be my cell, who knows how long I’ve been here. Finally an officer comes in, grabs my arm, leads me out to an open area. The area is filled with people, some just standing, some walking, some talking amongst themselves. I pass by a small glass portal and stop. What I see are not fields of grass or buildings or cars, and it certainly isn’t people. Instead I see a peaceful blackness, dotted with small, shining white specks. I am in space.

 

Confusion and rage return as my captor lets my arm free. How selfish is my mother, she would turn in her own daughter, too? I walk aimlessly and frantically when suddenly I see him through the crowd. His dark hair looks strange in this new light, and he seems thinner, but the eyes are unmistakable. “Finn”, the name escapes my lips in a whisper. I yell now, “Finn, Finn!”

 

He turns, speaks my name, runs toward, and embraces me in all what seem to be the same moment. “I’m sorry Odessa. I tried. I tried to stop them from taking you. I wouldn’t let them. But there were so many of them. There were so many and now…” I silence him with a kiss, it is enough that we are both alive. We hear that all-too-familiar sound. *bing bing* *bing bing*. I can’t believe they run these up here. The room quiets.

 

“Attention all citizens…”

 

We’re not citizens anymore.

 

“The Commander of the Ministry of Security of the State has been assassinated. He was found dead at 19:30 last night, at the age of 44. Commander Hall was among the most honorable of men, maintaining strength and sacrifice even to the end. We mourn this loss, we assure justice, and we use this sorrow to further remember and solidify our ideals; the ideals which we all stand for. For today, for tomorrow, and forever. Order. Peace. Perfection.”

 

My face had been buried in Finn’s chest. I’m surprised to feel his arm move, preparing for the oath. Music starts to play and I’m still in the same place until he yells in a whisper, “Odessa! Are you trying to get shot?!”

 

I figure I don’t want to die today, not now that he’s here. It takes all the strength in me to turn, to even think of raising my hand in oath to this abomination. But I know that a good plan will take time. Until then I have to blend in. I raise my eyes to the screen, and the eyes of a dead man stare back at me.

 

 

Before the anthem has even finished, clapping begins among the other prisoners. Do they really think they’re fooling anybody, faking love for that monster? “Odessa…” I hear Finn’s voice but I can’t think. All I can think about is how angry I am and that the world is evil and so is my mother and that she’s the reason Finn and I are doomed to live and die up here. “Odessa!”

 

“What, Finn!”. Tears begin to make their way down my face and I let them. More people are joining in the clapping now and I see Finn start to raise his hands. “What are you doing!” I grab his hands and try to hold them together.

 

But Finn is not looking at me. He’s staring straight ahead, and I notice others in the room looking in the same direction. “No, Odessa…” And then I see it. The waves of people parting open, clapping turning to cheering, and my mother, walking between them all and right toward me, the blood of her victim still bright against the white of her uniform.